Self Love

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word self-love? Is it “taking selfies”? Is it about being selfish, pompous, and self-centered? NO! Self-love is the ability to accept who you are, what you are, what you have and how you look. Self-love is about feeling comfortable in your own skin and not to try and change yourself to suit other people's opinions or to gain acceptance in the society or from friends and colleagues. It is important to living well because it influences decision making processes e.g. choosing a mate, problem solving and how one carries and expresses themselves. Trying to fit in, to be something one is not always comes with so much emotional effects. I believe when one truly and deeply loves themselves there is no stress. No stress why you want to lose weight or gain it, no stress why the next person has this and that and you don’t.

I wouldn't want to lie and say I deeply understood what self-love is. Before, I also would worry about what people think of me, and would let their criticism get to me. People would say you too slim, you too tiny, you too young but now, to me that sounds like a broken record. I wouldn't care less because I am comfortable with who I am, what I want and my purpose and I wouldn't change it for anyone because it  is MINE after all. I also grew up seeking approval from friends and family and realized that made me not be myself in a way and added to my emotional struggles. Thoughts running through my head would be: "Am I not good enough?" What did I even do wrong? If I do this would they still like me? But because I took time to find myself I now understand what self-love is. The moment you do, trust me you will always feel content. You can't buy self-love or be made to love yourself more by other people but you grow in self-love.

Self-love involves a number of aspects that one has to embody to fully enjoy its benefits. By expanding self-love one begins to accept and understand better their strength and weaknesses and grow to love and be compassionate to themselves and others and even have less need to explain their shortcomings.

We all have to be mindful of what we think or feel and want and not base it on what others want. You cannot please everybody in this world thus whatever you do has to also make you happy. Your life's decisions have to be yours and not contaminated by what your best friend thinks or want or even family especially if it will negatively affect you in the long run. I am not saying one shouldn't be given advice or be rebellious. All I'm saying is after the advice, the decision is yours. l also believe  that to grow in self-love, we have to resist going after things that excite us for a moment but rather focus on growing and expanding our lives and move away from the probability of making past mistakes that would hurt us again.

Yes we have to be mindful of what we want and feel to grow in self-love but that's not the only thing. Self-love also is about self-care and health. This encompasses nutrition, hygiene, health and proper sleep. I am slim but I actually do exercise, like a proper work out. I mean who said exercises are for those who want to lose weight only? I exercise because I love my health and need to keep fit and make sure my body is toned and blood circulation is perfect. I make sure everything around me is in great condition and that my environment is clean, that's the definition of self-love.

However I say to myself yes my hygiene is on point is that all? What’s left? That's when I realized also that for me also to truly grow in self-love, I need to set boundaries in terms of protecting myself from anything that can harm me emotionally, physically and spiritually. I began to associate myself with the right people and building healthy relationships. People who lifted me up, encouraged me, helped me to grow and didn't look down on me or laugh at my losses. I did also cut ties with a number of friends and realized as you grow older, the fewer friends you get. I allowed myself to have healthy relationships only and in the process protect myself. The good thing also in the process I did gain a few extra healthy relationships with amazing and wonderful people.

As I walked the journey of finding myself, I realized that I was too hard on myself. I used to beat myself up if things were not going well or if I made mistakes. But the other good thing about self-love is forgiving yourself. We all make mistakes, we are human and all we need to do is learn, grow and move on. The moment you forgive yourself, you identify your purpose and goals. If your intention is to live a healthy life, travel the world, do charity work, do just that and you will see that you will even love yourself more when you succeed and achieve your goals and intentions. One of my life's intentions is charity work and I do that through "knit a hat" and trust me, I am proud of myself and love myself more and the love for others even grows each and every day.

Self-Love is not selfishness, this kind of love keeps me alive here on earth, because if I have no love for myself it means I live anyhow, do anything, get involved in anything whether it hurts me or not. In a way to love yourself is protecting your life, if I do not then who will? If I do not spoil myself with the nice food and clothes who will? Of course I am not putting God and friends out of the equation, but friends may not be able to go the extra mile to satisfy my needs, that’s when God and self-love is key.

So learn to fully appreciate who you are, and give yourself the best treatment and compliments that people will hold back from you, encourage yourself to be the best always in all things.