Friendship

What is friendship? I have realized friendship is defined differently by people and even the way one chooses their friends differs from one person to the next. There are childhood friends, high school and college friends and others we meet as life  progresses. A number of names have popped up that refer to different kinds of friendships. There are besties, bffs, bromances and a whole lot more. 

But what is friendship to me? To me, friendship is that relationship of mutual affection between people who care about each other and not limiting them to gender. I believe people of the opposite sex can be friends and have a pure, genuine friendship but hey, I realized this is a debatable issue. So let's leave it there. A friend is that one person you want to call if you have good news or bad, he/she knows what you like and what you don't like and can even make boring circumstances or errands fun. She/he is that one person you would seek advice from, talk about how that guy or girl is breaking your heart and you have ice cream together or watch that soccer game together. So if I meet you today don't expect me to say you are my friend, no you not.  We have friends whom we do not talk to often but believe in us as if they where family and the moment we meet it's like they never left. Those kind of friendships are just special like that. 

As much as it all seem fun and easy, I believe that friendship demands time and effort. It also requires one to put someone other than themselves first sometimes. Thus I realized in my past friendships (yes I said past) that the element of not putting effort and time in a friendship made it seem one sided thus affected these relationships and in the end all was lost. 

I also got to learn from my friendships that for the relationships to prevail there is need of honesty, trustworthiness, loyalty and acceptance. I mean I have a few friends which is by choice and most are really acquaintances. However, my relationship with one friend differs from the other and I have to accept them as they are and their differences because each brings something to my life which is not the same as the other friend. I mean if you take a look at my friends, their characters and mine totally different but we blend like that. So I wonder "show me your friends and I will show you your character " does it apply always?

Then it comes to the question, how do you choose your friends? So this differs from one person to another because what attracted us to our friends is different but some things are similar. As for me, I chose my friends because of the similar interests and values we uphold. I mean I wouldn't want to be in a friendship which would cause me to compromise my own principles just for the sake of keeping the friendship. My friends also bring balance in areas where I am weak. What do I mean by this? I mean, for example if I have a bad fashion taste and my best friend is a guru in fashion, it would mean she would help me in that area. I mean we all have strengths and weaknesses thus the need for friends to pitch in and help us. Another important thing on how I chose my friends is their belief in Christ and their ability to celebrate with me on my success and motivate me to do more.

In as much as I have elaborated on importance of friendship, there is also what I call "dumping friends". It might seem harsh but it's not. According to a brainstorm session I did with a group of young ladies, most agreed that when friendships become toxic or when friends genuinely grow apart then it's a sign to call it quits. I believe one shouldn't hold on to something that's not working after all and no one said people would be friends forever. Life paths change, level of growth changes and a number of things affect different friendships. But we have all heard that friends can either make you or break you, this is true because these are the people you trust and open your life too, so be wise in choosing who you let in your life.

All I am saying is one should chose friends wisely and be able to let go of unhealthy friendships that hinder progress. Again, give what you expect to get. If you expect great friends then you yourself have to be one hell of a great friend. Check your friendships , are they worth it? What do they bring to your life?